Dear Racism

One of my best friends growing up was Dominic
We went to school and played baseball together
He was, by far, a much better athlete then me
But if I dare say, I was a little more clever

Only in school that is, I was a nerd
Graduated with higher than a 4.0
But beyond all the A’s on all my report cards
There were a lot of life things I just didn’t know

Dominic was black, and as we grew older
We’d often get into debates
The topics were deep and divisive a lot,
And none more so than race

One day I found myself screaming into my phone
We might as well have been face to face
Systemic racism was on the table that day
And I was passionately pleading my case

“Save it with all the oppression talk, Dom
I’d have no problem at all trading places
How dare you accuse me, you’ve known me too long
How can you say that I’m racist?”

I’m not racist. I‘M NOT RACIST.
I’m not racist. Am I?

I’m not a racist, I can’t be racist
Because I have a ton of colored friends
I grew up with lots of black people specifically
And I never called any of them, ya know… N’s

I had a girlfriend named Taheesha, and she ain’t white
So obviously I’m not a racist
I’ve never been to a rally with burning crosses
Or hoods covering up our faces

You’ll never find a picture of me, anywhere
With that hideous Nazi image
I don’t have a single slave owner, not one
In my entire family lineage

Plus, I grew up with Clyde, Doyle, Marice
One of my best friends was named Kahalid
We were schoolmates, classmates, teammates
We always helped one another in need

We used to play football on the grass for hours
In front of my swimming pool
I wasn’t as quick and fast, because of their muscle structures
But still, with each other, we were cool

I also played baseball with Pedro, Miguel, Raul
The Rojos were like my own brothers
Kameel from Fiji, Korosh from Persia
I never saw them as the “others”

There was Phil, Ricky(RIP) & Brett
Which gives me Puerto Rico, Philippines, France
So it’s not just blacks & browns I was cool with
I gave everyone an equal chance

I’m clearly not a racist, not me, can’t be
My parents raised me right.
They taught me the color of skin don’t matter
Whether it’s black, brown, yellow or white

I am absolutely not a racist, I got the shirt
And I check all the not-racist boxes
But then when Dominic said that I am
I learned what a righteous ego paradox is.

“Sean, you’re right, I do know you
You’re not consciously racist by any means
But no matter how much you try to deny it
You were produced by a racist machine
And that racist machine benefits you
More than it benefits me
You’ve got privilege because of your skin that I don’t
And I’m just trying to help you see”

That statement stopped me cold, I stopped breathing
I didn’t even have a reply
No matter how much I hated to admit it
He spoke truth that I couldn’t deny

A friend of mine says denying you’re racist in America
Is like admitting you’re in a swimming pool, but denying you’re wet
It’s impossible to escape, it affects us all
Whether you’re in the deep end or standing on the steps

But I never needed to see the system at work
Because it was never working against me
There’s an evil brilliance baked in
Which caused me to to refute whatever I couldn’t see

Like a TV channel that I can change when I want
I could always control my distance
And because I never experienced being a victim of it
I righteously denied its existence

It’s like him saying it’s raining, convinced it’s the truth
But my clothes are perfectly dry
Dismissing the fact that I’m under a roof
And all the time he’s been standing outside

I can see now the arrogance in my thinking back then
And truthfully I did it all the time
If it’s not happening to me, it’s not happening
The only valid perspective was mine

But I never denied that cancer was real
Even before my dad’s diagnosis
Or drug addiction before it touched my family
But with racism, it was like a neurosis

Why was I so compelled to deny this one?
What did I have to prove?
What was I trying to protect or avoid?
What did I think I could lose?

Is it possible that I do have white privilege?
And if so then what does that even mean?
Does it mean that I’m one of the bad guys?
That I’m actually on the wrong team?

Is there such a thing as a good racist?
Or am I one or the other, dirty or clean?
Is it possible that I’m not consciously racist
But I was produced by a racist machine?

There’s a show called Black-ish, so can I be racist-ish?
Like… kinda racist, but not totally?
Can I work real hard for what I have
But still have privilege that isn’t quite known to me?

Can I have grown up with color-filled friends
But still be prejudiced in spite of it?
Can I believe I have a color-less lens
But be blind to the pigments inside of it?

Can I go from color-blind to color-kind
And lean into my ignorance at first sight of it?
Can I be tempted with the nectar of the familiar fruit
But have the wisdom to not take a bite of it?

Can I be racist, but it not be my fault?
Can I be white, but it not mean I’m guilty?
Can I speak up, but avoid the assault?
Can I be a part of the problem, and still be

A part of the solution?

I didn’t want to lose my identity as a good person
It’s just as simple as that
If racist = bad, white = racist, I = white
Well then that simply means that I’m bad

But seeing myself as the product of society
Allowed me to see the true wisdom
That I can retain my identity as a good person
Inside the entity of a bad system

And then I could stop defending my ego
In conversations that are no longer attacks
That distinction was crucial to remove
My emotional fear of uncovering the facts

Cuz the truth is, if we look into the racial history
Specifically between whites and blacks
White hands usually held the nooses or whips
And often they were wearing a badge

But let me be clear, the racial crimes weren’t committed
Because of their white biology
Their despicable inhumane actions were committed
Because of their white ideology

That they alone were superior over others
Justifying their savage atrocities
So white has nothing to do with ethnicity
It’s a supremacy based philosophy

Which means I can retain white biology
Of European descent and culture roots
But detach from the white ideology
And all its disgusting pursuits

In fact, I’ll do one better
To make it official and see it through
I wrote a break up letter
And I’d like to read it to you…

You lied to me.

You’ve been lying to me from the beginning
But this is where our relationship ends
You had me believing that you weren’t winning
That you and I were never really friends

All the while you had me denying you
Denouncing you to no end
In my blindness I couldn’t see
That you were getting me to defend

Against the challenges of all the people
Who’s inquiries I dismissed
Their accusations that I’m a racist
Had me ready to swing a fist

But when I opened up my eyes, ears and heart
I saw the despicable twist
The greatest trick you ever pulled on me
Is convincing me that you don’t exist

I don’t appreciate becoming an unsuspecting
And unwilling, but loyal, recruit for you
I don’t appreciate doing your dirty work
To unknowingly divert the pursuit for you

While you laid low in the shadows
I stood tall in the light and refuted you
Without realizing it, I always deflected
misdirected and concluded you

Were dead, over, a thing of the past
Buried in the ills of history
But remember that Scooby villain
When they take off the mask and reveal the mystery

It was the dude that no one suspected
His innocence was so convincible
And he knew hiding in plain sight can make
Something so visible become so missable

So I believed what you wrote in my textbooks
In fact I aced all of your tests
I believed Columbus discovered America
Like the classic rhyme suggests

But how do you discover a land with people on it
What’s the story, that they were just guests?
And since YOU thought it was India, we’re just gonna call them Ind-…
Never mind, sorry, I digressed

I believed the Cowboys were the good guys
On their horses I wanted to ride
In my Halloween costume I’d scream out loud,
“Kill those savage Injuns, with their dirty eyes”

The subtle seeds that white is right and dark is wrong
Is what you actually planted inside
It was indoctrination, you had me as a child
Playing make believe with genocide

In fairness, you did teach me about 2 black leaders
Malcolm X and MLK
You said they both were powerful
But led their people in different ways

One preached for peace & turning cheeks
From the other violence was advocated
But what’s your embedded message underneath
Since both were assassinated?

Could it be that the way to be protected
Is to never cause disruption?
Make sure the leaders are re-elected
And disguise all their corruption

You sold half-truths and outright lies
With confidence and no apology
Turns out, you weren’t teaching me history
You were teaching me white mythology

Where whoever’s holding the pen gets to write
The stories as though they were wishing them
And most of the truthful pages of what really happened
Well your lessons and textbooks are missing them

Like the fact that so many of our founding fathers
Had absolutely no problem with slavery
Like the fact that so many of the people you slaughtered

Like the fact that the laws politicians have written
On top of that hill that you sent them to

Can be fair on the surface, but applied with prejudice
To uphold exactly what you meant them to
Or the fact that slavery is taught as the history of black people
Instead of the history of white people
Were killed for expressing their bravery

But like a fish trying to understand what water is
I had no reason for seeing it
My privilege didn’t recognize the bondages
So I had no reason for fleeing it

My experience never knew what the bottom is
So I had no reason to be free of it
My ego couldn’t be what the problem is
So I had no reason to see me in it

Well, I’ve been doing my own research, and it turns out
That if you really dissect the obscenity
White’s not even a race nor ethnicity
It’s actually just an identity

Of arrogance and superiority
Based on being the majority
But who was really the original minority
On a continent you invaded?

You needed a brand new system
On which people’s value could be rated
So you chose color cuz it was lazy and easy
And effective for us to be persuaded

A few centuries ago, your invaders called themselves white
And decided that they’re the pure ones
Fitted all their yearning followers
With the blinders to detour one’s

Curiosity, and declaring colored people
Were inferior would ensure one’s
Position at the top of the righteous
Pyramid and secure one’s

Illusion of superiority
Through delusion and false priority,
Collusion of fake seniority
To claim authority, categorically
Get outta here with that bullsh–

Shhhhh…. Keep quiet you said, don’t challenge me
Stop asking me to defend it
It’s easier to blindly follow
And just keep trying to pretend it

Comes straight from the word of God
Or whatever pulpit’s trying to preach it
That heaven is the ultimate landing place
And being whiteous is how to reach it

Yeah, whiteous – your subtle story
That dark is evil and white is good
That dark people are therefore dangerous
And that everybody should

Think, perceive, behave like us
Because after all we set the standard
For everyone else to be compared to
And should any of the others dare to
Claim validity in their different experiences
Then you’ll whine and complain like we’ve been slandered

You’ll claim we’re being oppressed, or censored
Or persecuted because we’re white
You’ll use fake analogies and false equivalences
To try to prove that it’s just not right

But the truth is
You believe there’s only one position at the top,
So if someone gains, then someone loses
If someone rises, someone falls

That’s a scarcity mentality where you think
There’s not enough room at the top for all
And when people just merely stand up for themselves
It feels like aggression to you
Because across the board equality, well…
That would be oppression to you.

I don’t want to be associated anymore
With you or your recognizable images
So let’s just call it what it is
We’ve got irreconcilable differences

In truth, I’ve grown to understand
And pity you, I no longer despise you
I have a feeling the number of letters like this
You have coming is gonna surprise you

I won’t try to speak for anyone else
I’ll let them all do their own talking
But the spell you had on me is over
So you stay there while I keep walking

Sincerely, Sean

Dominic did something extremely important
Rather than calling me out, he called me in
The racist machine analogy opened my mind
And I’ve been on the journey ever since

It hasn’t been comfortable in the least
But nothing worthwhile ever is
And the more that I lean into my ignorance
Here’s the thing… the more that there is

Being less committed to what’s familiar
And being driven by curiosity
Will increase the conscious conversations
And decrease the animosity

Separating Biology, Entity and Existence
From Ideology, Identity and Experience
Will help you appreciate people’s uniqueness
Instead of being threatened by their difference

What the world could use right now is more people willing to discuss, dissect and desconstruct systemic racism and oppression so we reimagine, reconnect and reconstruct a world full of Empathy, Love and Compassion.

This will lead to more conscious, forward moving conversations that can unite us rather than further divide us. If any of you are inspired by this message, and you’re moved to do so, I’d love to read your break-up letter to racism