One of the biggest mistakes most people make when trying to change their behavior is trying to change their behavior. We focus too much on what we see others doing and we are copycating what we see. If it worked for somebody else, we think it’s right. But even if you find the thing that works for someone else, if you’re not exactly like them in every way possible, there’s a chance it won’t work for you.
Searching for the rules of behavior perpetuates this story that we’re not good enough as we are and we need the right thing to fix us. We need the right thing to do better, to be better, to achieve more in order to make ourselves feel better. What gets lost in this whole thing is us ; what works for us.
The most important piece here is the individual person, not mindset or motivation or morning routines or meditation, or any other particular habit. If we don’t take the individual person into account then all we’re going to do is just try on a bunch of different outfits that fit other people. We are not focusing on the behavER — the one doing the behaving, we’re focusing only on the behavior — the actions we see on the surface.
We don’t like looking at ourselves, we don’t like our reflection – physical or mental reflection. We don’t like looking at our past, our mistakes, the fears that we have projected in the future because that’s where the pain is. But if we refuse to look at ourselves in an attempt to avoid the pain, we’ll simultaneously rob ourselves of experiencing the joy because inside us is where the depth of all of our human emotions live.
We’ll never make significant progress until we put ourselves under the microscope and we focus on us, our unique experience, how our body reacts and feels on a certain diet, what our mind does with affirmations, how we like to meditate or journal, how we like to create, how we succeed, how we think about love, death, grief… all of these things are unique to me and unique to you.
There’s never been a copy of you. There’s never been a person with all of your unique combination of attributes and experiences. We have to be willing to take a look at our own values, limiting beliefs, drivers, experiences, language, emotions, perceptions, thoughts, attitudes, etc. that combine to form our behavior.
If your current recipe is not creating what you want in your life, you have to change the ingredients instead of adding new quick-fix short-term “solutions”. You’ve got to have a private coach, you’ve got to have a mastermind support group, go to live events, get yourself out of your environment and into nature, get yourself to seminars, get yourself full of different energy in your body, in your mind, in your spirit. It’s got to be an immersive experience as much as possible in order for you to shift.
Focus on the behavER so you can live a more fulfilled, more joy-filled life.