The Pain-Pleasure Principle

Every form of self-sabotage comes down to the pain/pleasure principle – because it is the principle that defines your ‘comfort zone’.

Every behavior you have is based on your ‘drivers’ – what drives you to do the things you do. And these drivers follow the single principle of pleasure vs. pain.

In fact, all emotions you feel can be categorized as either painful or pleasurable, though they are experienced at different intensity levels. For example, discomfort is a painful feeling and relaxation is a pleasurable feeling.

The key to understanding your decision-making is to know that avoiding pain is a much bigger motivator than seeking pleasure.

This is why the traditional goal setting methods you may have learned (focus on the pleasurable thing you want and you’ll be motivated enough to act to get it) are WRONG! At least for most people…

I’ve discovered through my own efforts and through coaching my clients that there are two types of people.

There are those who see their goals as an opportunity to succeed and experience pleasure, and will do whatever it takes to get there, without sabotaging themselves. I call these people the 3%’ers, because I’ve found it describes only about 3% of the population.
The remaining 97% have a different point of view; seeing each goal as an opportunity to fail, thereby experiencing pain.

This is why I talk a lot about the “Fear of Success”. And it’s a double edged sword.

On one had, you’re afraid of failing so you often sabotage yourself so success is not possible – and you give yourself plenty of excuses along the way that justify your results (or lack thereof).
There is something uncomfortable about success that leads to resistance and self-sabotage.

So what could possibly be uncomfortable about success? If you think about it, there’s a whole mess of things that could be true for you:

Spotlight is on you (scares many)
More responsibility
Time away from family
Increased pressure to keep performing
No time for other enjoyable activities
And more!

Given all the painful emotions possible even with success, you can see why self-sabotage is often a result.

But why is pain a more powerful driver?

Because your unconscious mind’s priority is to keep you emotionally safe, and so the intentions of resistance are actually good. And you’ve created limiting beliefs to help avoid pain at one point in your life.

However, once the limiting beliefs have served their purpose, they stick with us and hold us back from achieving what we want.

So how do you fix it?

Here’s an exercise that can help:

List the things you really want in life – what you want to be, do & have.
Write down the activities that would get you there
Brainstorm all the possible reasons you might be resisting those activities (why they might be perceived as emotionally painful).
Identifying the resistance can dissolve the energy around it and help you get in motion.

In addition, I suggest you get on the phone and ask for help. I offer free consultations for those who are new, and there’s the monthly ‘Ask Me Anything’ call, too. Or join me at an upcoming ‘Stop the Sabotage’ live event!