I want to introduce you to the M.U.L.E. Many of us equate the word stubborn with mules. They are animals notorious for doing what they want to do – not necessarily what you want them to do.

I believe each of us has our own M.U.L.E. – meaning: My Unconscious Labels & Expectations. We live with unconscious labels and expectations in our mind, and often don’t even realize they are there. But they are, and it explains why we encounter stubbornness when it comes to certain things.

Unconscious Labels

One example of an unconscious label we may carry around is lazy. So if we consciously set out to do something that goes against our unconscious label of lazy, there’s a level of resistance, but we usually don’t know why it’s there. It’s our stubborn M.U.L.E.

Unconscious Expectations

That stubborn M.U.L.E also digs its heels in when it comes to your expectations. Expectations are tricky things, because they are often so deep we don’t even realize they exist. But if you’ve ever experienced negative emotions, you’ve likely got expectations at work. It goes something like this:

  • You have an expectation, whether you realize it or not
  • You compare the reality to your expectation
  • A judgment is passed based on that comparison – it could be good or bad, often bad
  • Emotions are created from the judgment – positive or negative, usually negative

Understanding the M.U.L.E.

Now that you’ve met the M.U.L.E, how does it affect you? Let’s look at an example. Say you want to achieve success and you’re in direct sales. One of the avenues to success is to talk to people you don’t know.

So in your quest for success, you consciously commit to talking to people about your business. Now it’s up to your M.U.L.E. to decide whether it will let you or not based on expectations of what’s going to happen.

A small percentage (I say 3%) of people expect others to cooperate, to have a positive outcome, a good interaction, and so you give yourself permission to do it. With rewarding & enjoyable expectations, your M.U.L.E. follows. No fear, internal blocks, or obstacles get in the way.

However, most people (the remaining 97%) are expecting the opposite, thinking it’s possible someone might get mad, think you’re pushy, you might forget what to say, or even that others will judge you negatively. This is predicting something negative and you’ve now set an expectation. So your M.U.L.E. thinks this is not going to go well and creates resistance. This can come in many forms – fear, sabotage, distraction, even pretending!

Getting the M.U.L.E. to Play Along

Now that you’re aware of the MULE and understand it better, how do you get it to play along?

  • Sometimes simply understanding can help you see the expectations you’ve had, and you can let them go.
  • Many expectations come from negative fears made up out of thin air – afraid of something that’s never happened.  Acknowledging that it’s never happened (and may never happen) can help you let it go.
  • If expectations are based on real experiences from your past, it’s important to reframe them and get past them.  Emotionally detach from what happened – and we can help.
  • A totally unrelated experience that has become over-generalized can affect other areas of your life. So examine if that’s what is happening with you and adjust.
  • Perhaps you’re simply trying to push emotions aside & ignore them. Psyching yourself up works for only small amounts of time. The answer is to embrace the emotions and work through any attachment so you can release them and move on. Understand that everyone is unique.

Not all M.U.L.E.s are alike. What works for one may not work for another. You have to address your specific situation and understand that a one stop shop won’t work for everything. We’re happy to help, so contact us to find out more.