Have you ever agreed to do something for someone else, only to feel conflicted because it leaves you little time to do things for yourself? Have you ever offered to help someone without thinking about the impact it would have on you?
While it’s nice to be helpful and it can make you feel good, it’s important to do it within your own boundaries. And, in truth, when you agree to do something that’s not a good fit for you, it takes the opportunity away from someone who would be a better fit.
Keep reading to find out more – like:
- What’s the big issue?
- The two main reasons we say YES to others (and, as a result, NO to ourselves).
- Tips on how to effectively say “No!”
What’s the BIG issue?
- Over-committing – when you say yes to requests from others, often it leads to having too many things to do and not enough time. Make sure you have the time before you commit to something.
- Guilt – it may be a little word, but guilt is a BIG emotion. When we say yes to others, often we let things that are important to us slip away in order to help them. This can also lead to frustration and overwhelm.
- FEELING LIKE A FAILURE – is a common symptom of saying yes to others (and no to yourself). While it feels good to help other people, when you do so to the detriment of your own goals and dreams, you can start to feel like a failure.
- You might also program yourself that you DON’T GET STUFF DONE – because of the over-commitment. This can become a lifelong habit, and can cause you to expect more of it in your life.
The two main reasons we say YES to others (and NO to ourselves):
Reason #1) Unaware of your values – If you know your values, or what’s important to you, it’s much easier to say no to things that are not in alignment with your values. If you don’t know or are not clear on your values, it’s easier to slip into reason #2…
Reason #2) Seeking approval from others – Many of us walk around feeling like we’re “Not good enough.” This limiting belief causes us to seek the approval and appreciation of others, so we’re more apt to say yes to something in order to gain that approval. The reality is that until we accept ourselves as good enough and get rid of that limiting belief, it’s highly likely we’ll continue that trend.
Tips to say “No!”
- Become aware of your values and live by them. Put your more important things first.
- Let go of the limiting belief that’s causing you to feel “not good enough” once and for all. (Call for a free consultation with Sean to see if you have any limiting beliefs and then work on getting rid of them.)
- Practice saying no. Get a friend and ask them to ask you several questions, and answer no to each one so you get practice learning to use this word effectively.
- Appreciate yourself when you do say no, and recognize what you said yes to.
- Use the phrase “That won’t work for me.” No one can argue with this, because YOU make the decision that it won’t work for you.
